These Phrases shared by My Parent Which Saved Me when I became a First-Time Dad

"I think I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the truth rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to open up between men, who still hold onto damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - spending a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, altered how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."